Labor & Delivery!

Here it is, my Labor & Delivery story!  The entire experience truly taught me that I cannot control everything, and to trust God (and my midwives) and let things happen.

As many of you know, I was due August 3.  I was convinced I was going into labor in July.  My doula (I'll have an entire post on her soon) was out of the country until the last week in July.  This stressed me out big time, I couldn't do it without her!  So, in my appointments leading up to August 3, I kept asking my Midwives (another post about them coming soon!) if I'd progressed, and begging them to check how dilated I was.  (Ha! Naive little girl)  August 3rd came and went, and I had no baby to show for it. I will start this right about here....

August 3

Alright, my due date.  I was a little disappointed there was no baby, no signs of impending labor, or really anything proving a baby was coming anytime soon besides my huge stomach, fingers, ankles, and face.  By this point in my pregnancy, I was DONE. I was a cranky mess.  It was hot, and I was super mad this baby was not coming on my schedule.  According to the Midwives the baby was head down, and ready to go.  Why wasn't she coming out?  I also want to add, stay the heck off of the Mommy message boards during this time.  You will become obsessed with dilation, mucous plugs, and poop.  Just trust me on that.   Because of the fact I have epilepsy, my Midwives (with pressure from the High Risk doctors) wanted to schedule an induction date for me.  I got them to agree to letting me go a week and a half past my due date, with an induction date of August 12, but I wouldn't need that, the baby was coming any day!

(Day before Induction)

August 12

Joke was on me.  The nine longest days of my life were between August 3rd and August 12th.  I did literally EVERYTHING to get this baby out.  Two rounds of acupuncture, miles of walking, attempting to do the deed (a big nope), spicy foods, cold foods, squats, something called a "induction dance", fits of uncontrolled crying, nothing worked.  So off we headed to my scheduled induction at 7pm.  This is where the fun starts. 

Stony Brook Hospital

7pm.  Bags were packed, Mike was ready, and so was I.  I would also like to add that I was completely terrified.  All of the deep breathing and meditation in the world wasn't helping me, I hate hospitals and I was about to have my baby in one!  I got into my hospital gown, and was ready to get this show on the road, this baby was going to be out in a few hours!  

(All settled in for Induction)

August 13

12am  The hospital was having problems locating my midwife.  Theres a team of them, about 10, and  work on an on-call basis.  My Midwife was missing.  It also was ironically the night Long Island had a historic amount of rain, so everything was flooded.  (We also had a nice view of the emergency helicopter landing, eek!)  Things were not off to a good start.  Finally a glorious midwife showed up after braving insane flooding to insert Cervidil into me.  Now we wait 12 more hours.  

12pm Eva, the next midwife on call showed up to take the Cervidil out.  By this time I was experiencing some mild contractions and had dilated to a 2.5.  I'd have this baby out in no time!  I called my Doula, Kathy, and told her to come, I knew it was going to happen soon.  I was allowed to eat and shower before they transferred me to good old Labor & Delivery.  When they came to take me to the next room my doula and I were braiding my hair.  Obviously, my contractions were not that bad.  

3pm (Time gets blurred from here on out)  I'm officially in Labor & Delivery! There's this cute little station that the baby gets placed in after you deliver and it brought tears to my eyes, this was really happening!  The nurses started the Pitocin (the synthetic of Oxytocin, which is the chemical that basically puts you into labor)  at a 6.  I learned that  Pitocin has many levels, and they would be gradually upping it until I gave birth.  The max level was 20 without a doctors consent to go higher.  I was really nervous because I knew this was where the pain would start.  I also wasn't allowed to eat anymore.  I love eating. 

7pm    Nothing was happening.  I was hooked up to the monitors, and I could see contractions, but they didn't hurt.  I felt fine.  I was joking and laughing.  

August 14

12am Still nothing.  The worst part was that I couldn't sleep, because the monitors would move and they couldn't see the babies heart rate, so someone came in every 10 minutes to fix the monitors.  I'd fall asleep again, and they'd fall off.  I was so tired and hungry.  Pitocin was upped to around 12-14. 

6am My doula and Mike are asleep.  I felt a little "gooey" down there.  I sat up to walk myself and all of my machines to the bathroom very quietly.  I felt the biggest gush come pouring out of me.  My water broke! Not wanting to wake them up (they'd been awake this whole time with me)  I pushed the button on my bed for the nurses, this was also the time when I realized the buttons on my bed don't work.  I whispered to wake Mike up to get a nurse.  I stood up and HOLY COW, the most insane amount of water and goo and everything gross came flying out of me.  It just kept coming! I kept apologizing to the nurses that I was so sorry they had to clean this up.  I hate the feeling of dirtiness, so this was not fun for me, but it meant I was one step closer to the baby!  I knew she'd be here really soon! 

12pm Pitocin was upped higher.  I think around 16.  Nothing was happening.  My doula went home to shower and see her children.  I wanted her to go, I felt so badly for how long this was taking.  (I'm still worrying about everyone else!)  I'd gone through about 3 or 4 different Midwives shifts at this point.  My favorite Midwife, Michelle showed up.  I was getting this baby out while Michelle was on call. It was decided.  She was going to leave at 3.  Bayley was coming out before 3pm if she liked it or not.  The midwives decided to switch my bag of Pitocin, thinking maybe it was a bad bag.  I still hadn't dilated past a 2.5 

3pm.  Doula was gone, my midwife Michelle had left, and this is where I started to lose hope.  Mike was tired and frustrated, and so was I.  The Pitocin was switched and started back up at 16, the level it was at on the last bag. Within an hour I was in excruciating pain.  Mind you, I had not eaten, slept, or had so much as even a Tylenol in the past 2 days.  I wanted to do this naturally even if I was on Pitocin (something I had heard was very difficult).  The pain was really bad.  I'm going to be real, I was sobbing.  There are some really funny pictures of me that Mike took while I was in pain.  I was really mad at him for it at the time, but I find them pretty funny now.  The next Midwife, Kristen came in to check me.  Still hadn't dilated, and my contractions didn't even qualify as labor contractions yet.  She upped the Pitocin to 20.  The highest possible level.  

(Contractions and Bays Heart Rate)

6pm  I called my Doula to come back.  I was in so much pain.  I knew that staying on Pitocin for this long could really stress out Bay, and I was starting to get nervous.  It was right about this time I begged for an epidural.  I couldn't deal with the pain anymore.  I wanted to sleep.  The epidural was quick and painless, and I loved my anesthesiologist.  They also inserted a catheter, and a contraction monitor vaginally. They couldn't figure out why I wasn't progressing. I was starting to feel really defeated.  My birth plan had officially gone out the window.  I was really miserable.  My epidural also stopped working on the left side.  I could still feel everything after about an hour. 

9pm Kristen checked me once again (something they don't like to do once your water is broken) and I hadn't dilated. She was going to get approval from the maternal fetal medicine doctor to up the Pitocin beyond 20.  I knew in my heart it was dangerous for Bay and wasn't going to do anything.  I brought up the possibility of a C-Section.  I love the Midwives, they never even mentioned the word C-Section to me, they knew how badly I wanted to do this naturally and vaginally.  Kristen agreed that a C-Section was the best course of action at this time.  I had been in labor for so long.  Failure to Progress was my reason.  Exactly what I had not wanted to happen.  I wanted to get Bayley out safely and quickly, and I didn't care about anything else besides that.  They sent in the anesthesiologists to completely numb me.  I was really scared.  My heart rate was really really high and my blood pressure was going up steadily.  They made me put on an O2 mask, but I knew it was just my nerves. I had AMAZING labor & delivery nurses up until this point, and of course right when the main event was about to happen I got stuck with the nastiest possible woman.  I remember her saying to me, "Why are you so scared?" and I said, "People die during c-sectiions", she then replied, "I've never had anyone die during a c-section, they die from complications afterwards".  I think Mike and my Doula wanted to kill her.  She should really find a new profession.  I was wheeled off after this. 

11pm  I was wheeled into the operating room with the nasty nurse.  Mike wasn't allowed to come in for the first few minutes.  It was at this point that I saw this sweet nurse I knew from days before.  Finally, a friendly face.  I smiled at her and promptly told I her I needed to vomit.  I puked my brains out 3 times before they even started the surgery.  I want to tell you how humbling it is to vomit naked into a bucket held by a stranger,  in front of at least 10 other complete strangers, all while weighing the heaviest amount you will ever weigh.   Probably the lowest point during the whole experience.  Mike was finally allowed in and the surgery began.  The anesthesia made me extremely shaky, and I will be honest, I was completely terrified.  I had never been so scared in my entire life.  I was convinced something bad was going to happen, or that I could feel them cutting me open.  It was terrible.  I had not even a little bit mentally prepared myself for what would happen if I needed a C-Section.  I really wish I had. I wouldn't let Mike let go of my one free hand.  I was shaking profusely. Something I was aware the could happen from anesthesia.  I wanted this to be over with more than anything. 

August 15

12am  My midwife Kristen stayed with me the whole time.  I loved her.  She is young, around my age I think, and I felt like a big wimp for being such a baby about the whole surgery.  She whispered to me, "You're going to be a Mommy in a minute" and with that, out popped Bayley, she was screaming so loudly and clear.  I cried.  I cried really hard. She was perfect.  Mike was able to see her first.  Kristen took a picture of her with her cell phone and brought it back over to me while they finished up the surgery.  She was perfect.  Eyes open, and crying.  They finally brought her over to me and put her right next to my face while they finished up.  As they wheeled me out they made sure I got to do skin to skin with her on my way to recovery.  

1am  My doula met me in recovery with Mike and helped me get Bayley to latch.  My blood pressure had dropped insanely low and I was having a hard time staying awake.  This kind of scared me.  I am sad that this cast a shadow over my first few moments with Bayley, but I really am so lucky I had this healthy perfect little girl I had prayed for my entire life.  After my BP stabilized we were all wheeled up to Post-Partum.  Bay was given her first bath and our life together began!

(Our first family picture!)

Recovery from a C-Section is definitely tough, especially after you've labored, and I want to do a separate post on that soon.  After all is said and done I feel like a warrior.  I labored for days and went through a C-Section and came out just fine. Almost everything I worried about happening happened, but I turned out just fine and so did Bay.   I learned that if I could just relax and go with the flow, I could make any situation a lot less stressful.  Being a Mom is the biggest blessing God has ever bestoed upon me. 

I'm back!

So it's been awhile friends! Last time I updated, I was 7 months pregnant, and as I sit here typing, I have a very asleep 3 month old in my lap!  The end of pregnancy definitely took a toll on me and I apologize for not updating!  I am now an official Stay-At-Home-Mom, and I want to start blogging with my adventures in Motherhood.    I'm still figuring out how to make everything work, from being able to grocery shop with a newborn, to exactly how I am supposed to do all of this without looking like a Zombie.   So without further ado,  I introduce our gorgeous, amazing, precious daughter, Bayley Angela.

My Favorite Pregnancy Items!

So when I first found out I was pregnant, I was told there were a lot of things I may need to make sure I was comfortable for the next 9 months, however, most of those were completely unnecessary! I assume, however, that everyone is different. These are the things I could not live without!



Here is my top 5!



1.  Mama Mio Tummy Rub

This is my favorite product.  I was really worried (and still am) about getting stretch marks.  I was using Palmers Cocoa Butter for the first two months.  The smell of it really made me sick, especially when morning sickness was at its peak, but I wanted to make sure my skin wouldn't get those stretch marks!  I sometimes watch Kandee Johnsons videos, and she recommended this all natural Tummy Rub.  I ordered a kit, that came with a leg cream (so awesome), and a boob cream (eh), and this.  It smells SO good!  The company only uses organic ingredients, and you can feel comfortable putting it all over your body!  I love it, and so far, no stretch marks!!


2.  Snoogle 

I started experiencing some pretty nasty hip pain starting around month 4.  Sleeping became increasingly difficult, so I purchased this at Babies R Us.  It is very comfortable, and does help if you're able to stay in the same position while sleeping.  The only negatives I found with it is that it does create a barrier between me and Mike while sleeping, and I move around a lot so I usually wake up with it pushed off of me. I'm still using it now in my 7th month!


3.  Tempurpedic Mattress Pad

Right after I bought the Snoogle, my hip pain at night became excruciating.  The Snoogle really didn't do much for me.  In a moment of desperation, I took to good old Facebook.  My friend Marissa, who has had twins recently, suggested a Tempurpedic Mattress Pad.  I was literally in pain every night, had not slept, and would just start crying out of sheer helplessness in the middle of the night.  I drove straight to Bed Bath & Beyond and picked up one of these.  It was not at all cheap, around $400.  I did not care the pain was so bad at that point and I picked out the highest end model they sold.  It was INSANELY heavy, and I had to have Mike carry it up the stairs and put it on the bed.  It took awhile for it to find it's shape, and kind of smelled weird for the first few weeks, but that night I had ZERO pain.  I went from feeling like my hips were going to split apart to feeling NOTHING!  This is probably the best purchase I've made my whole pregnancy.  Thank goodness for Marissa!  Mike also loves it too, and I don't think it will be coming off after the baby is born.  

4.  Sports Bras

I knew my boobs would grow during pregnancy, but I never anticipated how much!  The first few months they really really hurt, but that dissipates after awhile.  They did however get HUGE.  I went from a 34B to a 36C, and I'm still growing!  I purchased a bunch of bras while I was around 5 months pregnant, and that was a silly investment.  I quickly grew out of those.  My go to these days has been a sports bra.  It stretches with you, and there's no underwire to dig into your changing body.  They make some cute ones these days too, so you don't have to look like a preteen girl.  

5.  Lansinoh Nursing Pads

*Possible TMI Alert*

This is something I definitely did not expect to need while pregnant.  One night I was sitting down on the computer, and I noticed my shirt was wet.  I was about 24 weeks at this point.  I finally realized my nipples were leaking!!! I freaked out and called another Mommy friend.  I thought something was wrong, but it turns out, your body can start producing colostrum, the pre-milk, at any point during your pregnancy.  I didn't think much of it after that and thought it would be a one time thing until the baby was born. WRONG! The next day at work my shirt was wet again, to the point it was noticeable.  I decided to pick up a pack of these nursing pads, and they have been a life saver.  I'm at the point now where I have to wear a bra at all times, even while sleeping. Definitely a necessity.  

There really isn't much else you NEED while pregnant in my opinion.  In my first trimester when I was super sick I bought pregnancy pops, lollipops intended to ease morning sickness.  They didn't really do much.  Obviously the real essentials are your Prenatal Vitamins, Folic Acid supplements, good prenatal medical attention, and TONS of water, but my list is more for Mommys comfort during this time!  

Childbirth!

For the first 4-5 months of my pregnancy, I pushed all thoughts on labor and delivery to the side.  It truly terrified me.  "I still have a long way to go before labor" became my mantra. I've seen childbirth portrayed a few different ways on television, which was honestly my only real experience with it.  I've seen my cousins have babies, but was never in the room to witness their actual births.  I know they were almost all induced, given epidurals, had a C-Section (I myself was a C-Section baby), and in one case, my baby cousin was taken out with forceps. The other model of child birth I saw was with super crunchy granola women who had apparently forgot what it meant to shave, and were giving birth outside, or in the bathtub.  I definitely did not like either of these options.  I decided to not think about child birth.  I specifically remember saying to one of my girlfriends that I don't want to know what is going to happen, it scares me too much, and to let the doctors do whatever they want to get me and the baby out of this situation healthy.

Then one day, it's almost as if I had an epiphany.  I can, for the most part, control my labor and delivery.  I can have an active role in this process.  I don't have to be bullied or scared into having the births I've seen on television, or the births my cousins have experienced.  I can educate myself, and in turn, make educated decisions about my health care during the process.  I'm not sick, I'm healthy, and my body is doing something completely normal that has been accomplished by millions of women.  

I started reading everything I could get my hands on about childbirth.  Because I do have epilepsy, I will have to give birth in a hospital (which I would have anyways, I'm sure), but I do still have options.  I have decided to attempt a natural childbirth.  I trust my body, and know that it knows what it's doing, and am going into this process hoping no medical interventions will be needed.  

I've taken a lot from my practice as a yoga instructor and applied it towards my pregnancy.  Breathing exercises, prenatal yoga poses, and the entire belief system can all be employed during this time.  I truly believe my studies in yoga have led me to this mindset.  I watched the Business of Being Born, and it really resonated with me, and have started reading a lot of Ina Mae Gaskins writings.  They all just make sense to me.  I think western medicine has a tendency to be a worrier, just like me.  Sometimes it's better if you sit back and let things run their course without interference.  I also have a healthy respect for complications that can and may arise during this time, and for that I'm very glad I will be giving birth surrounded by competent medical professionals, who will step in at a moments notice, if things go astray.  

In preparing for natural childbirth I have done myself the great favor of hiring a Doula.  I had a hard time finding one at first, and completely lucked out finding an amazing one last week.  Our first meeting with her is this Friday.  She will be teaching Mike and I the Bradley Method.  (I want to do a whole separate post on Doulas ,Midwives and the Bradley Method soon).  I am also hopefully switching to the Stony Brook Midwives.  My OBGYN practice is great, but when I brought up the fact I'd like to go natural, I was met with a lot of resistance, and actual laughter.  It was a real turn off. 

I'm feeling very positive about my decisions for this birth, and can't wait to get started with the Bradley Method classes!

My pregnancy up until now....

This will all be very condensed, I want to squeeze in my first 28 weeks! 

Finding out I was pregnant was one of the happiest and scariest moments of my whole life.  Peeing on a little stick decides if the course of your whole life will change, it's really a mind-blowing 3 minute wait for those lines to show up!  I have a habit of making a joke about everything, so when I told Mike I was pregnant, he immediately thought I was lying. After he saw the evidence, I don't think I've ever seen him so happy.  I immediately started crying. He kept saying "Are those happy or sad tears!?!" Too many emotions in a very quick amount of time.  We hugged and collected ourselves, as we were throwing Brodie his 4th Birthday party an hour later!  How I played it cool and didn't tell every single person that walked in the door that day still surprises me.  I called a few girlfriends who I knew could keep a secret and left it at that.

When I first found out I was pregnant, everyone told me how quickly time would fly.  During my first trimester, I thought they were all liars. My first 12 weeks of pregnancy were spent finishing up my Bachelors Degree in Social and Political Science.  I had never been more miserable.  I was constantly tired, nauseous, and super cranky. I was very lucky to have some amazing teachers that accommodated me greatly during those last few weeks. Imagine writing three fifteen page research papers plus finals while working (all while puking).  Alas, I finished school, and my second trimester started.  I immediately felt better, although I hear some unfortunate women experience the nausea throughout their pregnancies.  I had energy, and I once again felt better about life.  I started to focus on eating healthy and preparing my baby for a healthy life ahead.

Mike and I were thrilled to find out we were having a girl.  We already have a little boy and I secretly hoped we would be blessed enough to give him a sister.  (Plus, girl clothes are really so much more fun!) I've always had a strong connection with women in my life.  It only felt natural to me that I would one day have a daughter.

When deciding our daughters name Mike and I almost immediately agreed.   Mike, owning a surf shop and being a shaper has obvious ties to the water.  I myself grew up in a coastal community, worked my summers at the beach, and come from a long line of skilled sailors and watermen. Our connection to the water is what brought us together, so we both agreed that we should name our daughter Bay.  I grew up with a girl named Bayley, whose name I have always loved, so Bay eventually evolved to Bayley for us.  No other name really ever came up.  (We still have no idea what we would have named the baby if it was a boy!)

We went through all of our genetic testing and beginning ultrasounds and were thrilled to find out that she was perfectly healthy and growing just as she should.  I am a constant worrier. I'm always waiting for something bad to happen, a quality I'm really working on changing. I have epilepsy, a seizure disorder, so my pregnancy could be considered high-risk.  This definitely added to my stress, but I am luckily surrounded by amazing doctors who have managed to (knock on wood) make pregnancy pretty safe for me.  Every test that comes back with good news is always a huge relief to me, as I imagine it is for all moms.

With every passing week I felt more secure and more connected with Bay.  Around 20 weeks I started to feel her kick.  It was the coolest and also strangest feeling I've ever experienced to date.  I was standing in my girlfriend Jens parents kitchen, and she gave me a huge kick to the rib cage.  I remember shouting "OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT" and Jens mom who always has something witty to say, replied with "It's the baby you idiot".  And that was her first kick.

I feel very lucky and blessed that I have been given the ability to carry this baby, and in doing so, feel as though I have been given one of the greatest responsibilities one can be handed on this earth.  I'm truly over the moon.

First post!

I've decided to hop on the pregnancy blogging train a little late in the game, but I still feel like I have a lot to offer!  I've spent the past 7 months educating myself in the business of pregnancy and childbirth, and I still have so many bases to cover.  I'd love to share my journey with my friends and family as well as hopefully help other women navigate the sometimes scary waters that surround this experience.  I would also love for this blog to serve as a record of my pregnancy for myself to look back on once my little girl is born.